Episode XXI: Questions of Grandeur

Episode XXI

Questions of Grandeur 

 Today’s Words of Wisdom:

 “If you’re not enough without it, you’ll never be enough with it.”

-Cool Runnings

 The Foda’s take: This was my senior yearbook quote. I love it because it reminds me that humankind often makes the mistake of looking for things outside of ourselves to help make us happy. In my case, that means collecting shoes and all things Star Wars. In Mandalf’s case, it’s bicycles and yogurt. The point is, we all do it, hoping our acquisitions will help us find our bliss, especially when the going gets rough. But that bliss will always be temporary if we don’t make peace with what’s inside first.

 Welcome back, friends of Foda! I hope you enjoyed the little musical parody last week. The inspiration just hit me, and I had to go with it. (Plus, Mandalf runs a podcast, so it was really fun to try out his new microphone!) Anyway, I watched Cool Runnings the other day in celebration of the Olympic spirit, and that quote jumped out at me again, just as strongly as it did when I was a teenager. This caused me to have several moments of deep reflection.

What is the thing I’m without that I want the most?

Do I want to be able to walk out my front door again without worrying how many minutes I’ll make it? Yes. Do I want to know that there’s a turnaround point soon in my future? Umm… yuh-huh! Do I want to have peace, living in the moment until then? Seriously. You have to ask?

A part of me- the tired part who’s been fighting so long- wants to scoff at this quote and say that it doesn’t apply to people who are looking to obtain their general HEALTH back. I mean, that should be, like, our birthright. But the other part- the part who’s learning how to find hope and meaning in all of this- tells me that it DOES apply to me.

It’s really easy to sit back and try and find distractions that will make you feel, even if just for a moment, like you’re in the famous Family Guy skit: “Ooh, piece of candy!” And the more “candy” you find, the more you want to make that fleeting feeling of happiness last. But that’s just the point. IT WON’T. (Just watch what happens in the link above!) Why won’t it work? Because it’s a band-aid over a Sarlacc-sized hole.

And okay, I can hear you cynics out there. Alright, hot shot, what do I do to find my “inner peace”, huh? (Is it weird I just pictured Harrison Ford saying that from the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon?)

Well, here’s how I see it. Our “coming-of-age” story can happen at any time in our lives. Who says it’s just for doe eyed teens learning to make their way in the world? That’s like saying life isn’t hard after 25. WRONG! So if my “piece of candy” is my health, then what I really want, as I do everything possible to get it back, is…

To relax. To have peace. To BELIEVE that everything’s going to work out okay. And, what I’m learning is most important: to KNOW that I can contribute grace and beauty to the world even without the use of my legs. These are the things I can take with me no matter what happens.

So while this does NOT mean I’m going to stop fighting for my “normal” life back, I guess I’m realizing it won’t mean as much when I get it if I don’t learn how to reckon with my inner Foda first.

If you’re reading this, you may be going through a rough time, like me. Or maybe you went through something in the past, and read this blog because you can relate. Whatever your reason, I hope you take a minute and really think about what your deepest desire is. I thought mine was to have a healthy body- and that’s true- but the real underlying desire is to have peace, and freedom from worry. And pursing that is a choice I’m going to have to make over, and over, and over again.

But hey- Luke didn’t use the Force right on his first time either… (Especially if you believe this hilarious video spoof.)


The Foda

Pssst…. over here! I promised in my bio: The Birth of The Foda that I would never talk medical stuff with you, but many people have asked what it’s like to have Lyme Disease. Here is a WONDERFUL, informative, non-scary article written by a woman named Shannon Donegan called “Ten Things To Know When Someone In Your Life Has Lyme.” Please read and share. I know many Lymies who have agreed that this is EXACTLY what it’s like. Thanks to Shannon for letting me post it!

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