“The Antithesis of Fear”

Happy Halloween, everyone! Sorry I’ve been off the grid for the past week or so. So, I’ve been obsessed lately with exploring the concept of “fear” and how it affects our lives when going through a long-term, chronic illness or trauma… perfect timing for Halloween! Here’s a little humorous beat poetry for you with my latest musings on vanquishing a fear-based life. Enjoy!

The Foda :)

“The Antithesis of Fear”

The antithesis of fear isn’t courage; it’s curiosity.

What we are open to

What we question

What we examine with the child-like zeal

Once only reserved for questions like

Why is the sky blue?

Or

How can ladybugs procreate

If they’re all girls?

(Because.. they are not.)

Which begs the question

What idiot named them “lady”bugs?

But I digress

Telling a person not to fear

When their world is under siege

Is like telling a banana not to curve

(Fruitless) <— hehe!

You cannot abolish emotion

Unless you are a hologram

Who likes to read quasi-poetic rambles

Which is a highly unlikely scenario

But you

(Yes, you)

The human

 Can substitute one emotion with another

Like a metaphysical Yankee Swap

Flipping “I fear”

Into

“I wonder”

For fear is an absolute enigma

Ready to ram you like the Rhino it is

But curiosity is the wind

Always changing

Open ended

And just as strong

The antithesis of fear isn’t courage

It’s curiosity

Get some.

“Wampas and Probe Droids and Ferdinand, Oh My”

“Wampas and Probe Droids and Ferdinand, Oh My”

 Today’s Words of Widsom:

 “Everything you want is on the other side of fear”

~Jack Canfield

 The Foda’s Take: This quote makes me think of that awesome scene with Richard Gere as Lancelot in the movie “First Knight” where he defeats the formidable obstacle course that had- quite literally- given the old heave-ho to all who went before him. When asked how he accomplished it, he said it was because he wasn’t afraid to die. To which King Arthur replied: “A man who fears nothing is a man who loves nothing.” Soooo in conclusion… if you love something… today’s Words of Wisdom apply to you. BAM! Foda-ed. (Foda-ed! You know, like “Lawyered”… sigh. So not funny now that I’ve explained it. But to be truthful, you would have really needed to hear me say “Foda-ed” to get it right away… stupid inflectionless print!)

 Hello, friends! So, ever since I saw this quote a week ago, I haven’t been able to get it out of my wee little brain. Mainly because it is currently very relevant to my life. And it may be very relevant to yours. Living through an extended chronic illness, personal trauma, or intense struggle, changes you. It widens the world, banishing all perceptions of teenage invincibility or “that can’t happen to me.” It opens the door. (You know which door I’m talking about, people.) That  door. The one with the monster behind it. That’s right. The Wampa Snow Beast of Fear, all yowling and drooling scarily.

And it makes sense, doesn’t it, that you’d have more fear in your life. Something really bad has happened to you, and now you’re on edge- alert- your radar has suddenly been switched on. You’re like the Empire probe droids dropped on Hoth, scurrying around babbling nonsense as you search for signs of trouble.

Sidebar- anyone else like to try and mimic that monotone robotic dribble from time to time? Just for fun? No? Just me? Ah. Right. Moving on.

So, the point is, when you’re going through a lot, it’s a natural side effect that there will be more fear and more anxiety in your life. After all, you’re probably spending a huge amount of energy every day tamping down those pesky feelings that accompany whatever ails you. And it makes total sense that this wears your down, allowing fear to play a bigger role than it would if you were all fresh out of the bullpen.

Am now thinking of the book “Ferdinand.” Great book. But I digress.

But you’re not fresh out of the bullpen. You’re probably tired and worn down and now you’re scared- scared of what this is doing to your life, scared of how it’s effecting your loved ones, scared that it won’t be over soon. And by you, I do mean me… just to be clear…

So lately I’ve been coming back to this quote. Because I’m not going to stop the fear from coming. It’s a natural response to what’s happening in my body and my life right now. But somehow just recognizing it, remembering that there is a path past it… helps.

And I hope it helps you too.

<Empire Droid Babble>

The Foda

“Doers Gotta Do”

“Doers Gotta Do”

 Today’s Words of Wisdom:

 “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

~Oscar Wilde

The Foda’s Take: I just adore Oscar Wilde’s witty ripostes. Don’t you?

 Hi folks! Sorry I haven’t been posting as much lately. I’ve been researching a side project and its pretty much consumed all my allotted writing time. So let’s just jump right in!

For the past couple weeks, I’ve been gnawing over something, all dog-with-a-bone like, trying to figure out the answer. What is it, you ask? Welp, let’s go back. It all started when I had a conversation about how “doers gotta do.” If you’re a doer, the way you feel proud, accomplished, needed, and valuable in the world is by, well, doing. I, my friends, am a doer. Only one small hiccup here, however… due to my current state of nasty neurological Lyme-i-ness, there is precious little I can, in point of fact… do….

Which, a wise lady pointed out to me, means that I really need to find a new way to feel proud, accomplished, needed, and valuable. Unless I want to continue to hold myself up to the standards of the woman I was several years ago when my life was, for all intents and purposes, normal. So the easy answer is: I’m accomplished, needed, and valuable just by being meeee!!!!!! ….But… “just sit and look pretty” is not a philosophy I subscribe to… and while I know everyone’s special just as they are, I also cater to the core belief that it’s what people do in this world that matters. And just being a good-hearted person from the confines of my home just doesn’t seem like enough…

Hence, the conundrum.

I get that I need to reconfigure my standards of awesomeness. I get that I can’t berate myself for not being able to “do” like I used to. I get that I must be okay with no longer having the capability to “prove myself” to the world… something ambitious, over-zealous me always felt like she had to do.

I think I have to go smaller. Like Ewok small. Notice the small things I can do, the ways I treat people, the connections I can make.

But it still doesn’t quite feel like enough.

I don’t really have an answer for you today. I wish I did. But maybe, just maybe, one of you out there in the Words of Wisdom universe has muddled through this conundrum before and has an answer or little nugget of wisdom for me.

If you do, I am all ears. Huge ones. Green. With hair. Like Yoda’s.

Thoughtfully yours,

The Foda

Insomnia Poetry

My Insomnia Poetry

This is what happens when you go a few days without sleep.

 Haiku:

 Garbled zombie speak

Drips like syrup from my lips

Sleep eludes me still

Nursery Rhyme:

 There once was a woman named Foda

Who drove a Toyota Corolla

Insomnia struck like the side of a truck

So she wandered the streets in a toga

#Fail: 

 This is my tired brain.

Sleeping is imperative.

Not sleeping is a pain….

Rhyming is hard.