Tag Archives: Star Wars

“Jawas Say, Utini: Or How to Be Awesome in 2015”

“Jawas Say, Utini: Or How to Be Awesome in 2015”

A Life on Purpose.

What a cool phrase! And so “now” considering we’re all still fresh-faced and strong-willed with our 2015 resolutions.

Which I was reminded of the other day when I went to purchase yoga pants online and saw they’ve all magically reverted to full price since the new year when they were previously on sale. “Huh?” I thought. And then I realized. Oh, yeah. This is the time of year people buy yoga pants. Like a new outfit will make you work out more. Which I probably shouldn’t say with such an air of condescension, seeing as I was looking to buy them under the theory that if I wore them around the house, I’d be more likely to stretch and meditate between bouts of writing…

Foot. In. Mouth. Bleck. Moving on.

Theretofore, today I’d like to offer you an awesome tip from the magnificent Mandalf on how to maximize purpose in your life: Make a list of three things every morning that you want to accomplish that day. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Only three? But, Foda, I have, like, a million! Yes, only three. Because if you put down more than that, you’ll get overwhelmed, and do less. But if you put down three reasonable goals, it’s more likely you’ll succeed in a timely fashion… and then if you want to, you can channel all that celebratory energy into doing some more!

Or, you know, just kick back and pop open something fizzy. That too.

Mandalf calls these GTDs. Goals of the Day. But I– Star Wars aficionado that I am– call them OOTNI. Obtainable Objectives To Not Ignore. Why, do you ask? Because when you string them together, it sounds like: “Oooteenee!!!!”

You know, the Jawa cry? Utini! <— Score, totally found a sound bite on YouTube.

Yes, I did that on purpose. And yes, I may have had to look up words that begin with “O” to make this anagram work. (Don’t judge.)

Anyway, give it a shot, see how it works for you. I know it’s really helped me, especially on days when I’m feeling more Lymey than normal, because in the space of a few minutes I’ve assessed where I’m at, what I can realistically accomplish, and then once I’m done, I’m filled with a very satisfactory tingle of self-appreciation. Ooh, tingly!

And even if you don’t try it, just sounding the battle cry should make you feel better. Providing you’re a dork. (And if you’re not, really, what are you doing here?)


The Foda

Musical Star Wars Parody: “The Mos Eisley Mosey”

Hi, everyone! Sooooo, this is what happens when you’re a huge Star Wars nerd stuck inside for too long… Enjoy!

 “The Mos Eisley Mosey”

(To the tune  of “The Cantina Band” by John Williams )

Lyrics and vocals by: The Female Yoda

Music by: John Williams  

Sick and cannot leave my home and I’m going a little bit crazy

How I wish that I could roam to the place where they say Han shot Greedo

Scum and villainy aside, it’s the best place to catch a ride

To another galaxy

That’s where I’d like to be

 Nose won’t drip

On a ship

Sniffling is for mynocks

Hyperspace is a place

You can jump through time in


Takes a seat

So you’re not so tired

Stuffy head, stuck in bed? Dance with me

on Mos Eisley


 Grab your banthas boys

We’re goin’ out

 Move your feet

Right to the beat

And shake your hips

But be discreet

A shimmy here

A wiggle there

And flick your hair

Without a care

Only fever in the air’s the Cantina heat

 You don’t have to overdo the sulking around or looking like a grumpy face

This is a dream so dance all around

The cantina band will keep playing for you

Lose the tissue box and the old fuzzy socks for your dancing shoes;

Shake your head to the blues

And start a-swayin’, betrayin’

The good mood you’re conveyin’

Guzzle down a bantha juice and

Dance like it’s for Jabba

Tell someone you’re their father


 That’s not true. That’s impossible!!! Nooooo!!!!!!


 Sick and cannot leave my home and I’m going a little bit crazy

How I wish that I could roam to the place where they say Han shot Greedo

Scum and villainy aside, it’s the best place to catch a ride

To another galaxy

in the Mos Eisley


 Uh-oh. Overstayed our welcome. Sigh. I’m going back to bed. Calm down, I’m leaving. 

(sound of bottle dropping)


“The Choice”

“The Choice”

 Today’s Words of Wisdom:

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart… Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

~Carl Jung

 The Foda’s Take: I have a feeling that Carl Jung is also a pretty big believer in mindfulness.

 Hi, everyone! So last week, Mandalf and I celebrated our three year wedding anniversary. This gave me a day where I could flip through old pictures, relive the most beautiful day of my life, and remember the moment we danced hand-in-hand into the reception as man and wife- to- I kid you not- the bombastic Star Wars theme. (Come on. With a handle like the Female Yoda, did you really think I wouldn’t marry a fellow Star Wars lover?) Yes, the wedding party proceeded us by boogying down to the Cantina Song. And yes, it was AWESOME. And no, I didn’t have my parents/in-laws come in to the Darth Vader theme song… although I’m pretty sure it was discussed… all in good fun, of course… But I digress.

Now, when you’re dealing with a chronic illness, special occasions can sometimes be tough- you know how you’d want to celebrate, but sometimes what you want and what you’ve got to work with just aren’t in the same realm. For example, Mandalf asked me what I wanted to do- and what I wanted to do was hop on a plane and spend the day drinking margaritas and eating shrimp tacos on a beach in San Diego. But considering my current capabilities? Not an option.

So the night before, knowing I didn’t want to spend our special day being sad that I couldn’t celebrate it the way I would have if I was healthy, I made a choice. I could either focus on all the things I had and could do, or on the one thing I didn’t have and wanted more than anything. I chose to focus on what I could do. And it was a wonderful day.

So often, when we have something that we want so incredibly desperately, it’s easy to feel like nothing else will make us happy until we get it. And I fall into this trap a lot. So I get it. But over the past several days, I’ve been struck by just how much energy goes into moping and pining after something out of your control. And considering how I have a very limited amount of energy to begin with, shouldn’t I be spending it on things that can make me happy right now? Consequently, the past several days have been some of the most productive I’ve had in a while. (Closing in on finishing draft three of my fantasy novel! Woohoo!)

I know special occasions are going to continue to be bittersweet while my life is in this holding pattern. I get that. But I’m starting to really believe that you can still move forward while your life stays “stuck.”


The Foda

“The Foda’s Ten Theories of Absolutes”

“The Foda’s Ten Theories of Absolutes”

 Today’s Words of Wisdom:

“It’s partly true, too, but it isn’t all true. People always think something’s all true.”

~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

 The Foda’s Take: Okay, J.D. You got me. I definitely do that. But at the same time, to live in a world of conviction means to live a life awake. Living in passive gradients of grey begets a sleepy life. (Pause as you admire the poetic beauty of that statement. D’joh!) So today I say to Salinger: “absolute power corrupts absolutely!” Oh, wait, that doesn’t support my stance at all….

 Hi, folks! I hope you enjoyed last week’s post on cancer, bravery, and Harry Potter by Words from the Sowul writer Leanne Sowul. I was thrilled she agreed to guest post for me, and I couldn’t have been happier with her poignant and heartfelt post.

Now let’s get back to my argument with Salinger. Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Okay, here goes. Dear Salinger: You must not like dogs. Why, you may ask? Because dogs see the world in black and white. And dogs are awesome. Ergo, Salinger dislikes things that are awesome. Love, The Foda. Sidebar: I actually completely agree with him, but go with me here….Discovering our own absolutes: that’s awesome. It allows us to decide with confidence: This or that. Good or bad. Star Wars or Star Trek. So today, instead of getting into why I should be searching for Middle Earth…. (heh. heh heh. Hobbits.) I am going to take this extremist theory and go with it. Which is why I sat down and created my list of ten theoretical theories of absolutes. So here we go!

The Foda’s Ten Theoretical Theories of Absolutes

1) I have a theory that there are two types of women in this world: ones that can pull off hoop earrings, and ones that can’t. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

2) In this world, we have two types of people. Those who go through life asleep, and those who go through life awake. This theory does not apply to narcoleptics.

3) People who believe there is no such thing as a guilty pleasure- just a wide variety of things that can make you smile- are happier, more confident people. Mainly because they don’t associate indulgence with guilt. Which means they have obviously never eaten an entire cheesecake in one sitting.

4) Anyone who tells you that you can only be a cat or a dog person is clearly trying to compensate for something. Mainly, a lack of imagination. I, myself, am a giraffe person.

5) Plants grow better if you talk to them. Plants that talk back should be regarded with caution.

6) Anyone who knows that the first melodic interval of the Star Wars theme-song is a perfect fifth should be rewarded free drinks for life by the Cantina band on Mos Eisley. (If, you know, it was a real place.) Anyone who doesn’t know that is a) not a musician, or b) doesn’t know the movie, which catapults them directly to c) not cool. Geek Power!!!

7) People who march to the beat of their own drum own a drum. Or have very loud shoes.

8) Life would be better if people burst into random song and dance.

9) Laughter is the best medicine. Besides, you know, actual medicine. Ergo, laughter and medicine are the best medicines. Just don’t attempt laughing whilst taking medicine. This can be a choking hazard.

10) Blood is sexist. I hereby rename it: “hermoglobin.” As in, my hermoglobin levels are excellent.

Well, that’s it, folks! The Foda’s Ten Theoretical Theories of Absolutes. I hope you enjoyed my list.

But before I depart, riddle me this: what absolutes do YOU believe in absolutely? Because in a chaotic and ever-changing world made more turbulent by having a chronic illness, it’s sometimes best to have things that hold firm over time. Just remember that you will change… and so may your absolutes. So try to revisit them from time to time… Unless you want to end up like Darth Vader. Some soul searching before Palpatine gave Luke electro-shock therapy would really have behooved him.


The Foda

Episode XXII: Fight or Flight

Episode XXII

Fight or Flight

 Today’s Words of Wisdom:

 “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”


 The Foda’s Take: TRUTH.

 Hi there, friends! How’ve you been? I’ve been rummaging along myself, thanks.

Okay. I lied. I’ve actually been in a bit of a rut. A really ridiculously reprehensible rut. (Tee-hee. I totally have a thing for alliterations.) But before you cluck your tongue and start feeling all sorry for me, here’s some things you really ought to know.

First of all, to quote Han Solo: “I trusted them to fix it! It’s not my fault!” Granted, here he’s talking about a broken hyperdrive, and I’m talking about my health…. but same general idea, no? Yeah, I’ve done it all. Changed my diet, seen the expert, paid the crazy amount of money for the herbs and tinctures and pills, had the PICC, followed all the advice down to the letter. I even drank activated clay and charcoal for God’s sake! (So. Gross. Or to quote Princess Leia: “I’d rather kiss a Wookie.”) And yet.. I’m still in a rut. Hence: “It’s not my fault!”

So I’ve been doing a little.. okay, okay, a lot of moping the past few days. After all, it’s very frustrating to devote every waking moment of my life to getting well and not see more results. I’m sure you can understand, sweet doll-face reader that you are. (You too, boys. Unless being called a doll-face offends your sensibilities. In that case, please accept stone-cold fox as an adequate substitution.)

Anyway, I’ve decided there’s only one way to view this rut that will make it even remotely palatable to my SciFi saturated brain. Picture this:

I have just come out of hyperspace. My hyperdrive is broken, and I can’t fix it. And to add insult to serious injury, I am now firmly stuck in the Death Star’s tractor beam. (Just go with me here, this is going to be a massive mouthful of a metaphor. <— Oops, I did it again!) Sigh. Totally singing Britney Spears now. Focus, Foda, focus!

Okay. Now it is very clear to me that I have two choices here. I am stuck in a tractor beam that is too strong, and my ship is too small. My first option is to hit a whole bunch of lever-y thing-ys and try and bust my way free, likely frying my ship in the process and getting sucked in anyway. Or, I can let the tractor beam take me in, steal whatever armor I can find, and fight my way out from the inside. Scientists call this decision Fight or Flight.

Now, brilliant readers that you are, you know I’m not really talking about a ship and a tractor beam and all that. But the metaphor stands. I’m in a rut- and until I’m well, it’s likely going to always feel like the Death Star is sucking me in while I struggle to get out. So instead of wearing myself out and blowing my precious little energy trying to get away… I think I’ll stay and fight. Even if that means I spend some time laying low, all sneaky-like, elbow-crawling my way through the belly of the Death Star….. (I’m taking this analogy a bit too far, aren’t I?)

The point is: when you choose to fight over flight, it may not always look like what you expect it to. Allowing the tractor beam to suck you in may seem like giving up. But sometimes, you have to know which battles are better to lose so you have enough fight in you left to be able to win the war.

I’m not going to win every battle. Lately I’ve been losing the battle with wrangling those good ‘ol happy feelings to where I’d like them to be. But that’s okay.. because that’s real life.  And this week, I’m just plain old tired of trying to get out of my rut. So I’m trying something super crazy.


I’m done spending so much mental and emotional energy trying to deny where I am right now. I’m done dancing the foxtrot with the tractor beam. I’m letting it take me in. But what it doesn’t know.. what it can’t know… is that once I’m in, I will lay low. I will get stronger. And one day, when the time is right, I will SMASH my way out of that Death Star.

Or at least close the door behind me REALLY tight.

Yours Truly,

The Foda

P.S. Wasn’t this just the most sensationally sinful soliloquy of cinematic similes you’ve ever seen? Ha! Nailed it.

Episode XXI: Questions of Grandeur

Episode XXI

Questions of Grandeur 

 Today’s Words of Wisdom:

 “If you’re not enough without it, you’ll never be enough with it.”

-Cool Runnings

 The Foda’s take: This was my senior yearbook quote. I love it because it reminds me that humankind often makes the mistake of looking for things outside of ourselves to help make us happy. In my case, that means collecting shoes and all things Star Wars. In Mandalf’s case, it’s bicycles and yogurt. The point is, we all do it, hoping our acquisitions will help us find our bliss, especially when the going gets rough. But that bliss will always be temporary if we don’t make peace with what’s inside first.

 Welcome back, friends of Foda! I hope you enjoyed the little musical parody last week. The inspiration just hit me, and I had to go with it. (Plus, Mandalf runs a podcast, so it was really fun to try out his new microphone!) Anyway, I watched Cool Runnings the other day in celebration of the Olympic spirit, and that quote jumped out at me again, just as strongly as it did when I was a teenager. This caused me to have several moments of deep reflection.

What is the thing I’m without that I want the most?

Do I want to be able to walk out my front door again without worrying how many minutes I’ll make it? Yes. Do I want to know that there’s a turnaround point soon in my future? Umm… yuh-huh! Do I want to have peace, living in the moment until then? Seriously. You have to ask?

A part of me- the tired part who’s been fighting so long- wants to scoff at this quote and say that it doesn’t apply to people who are looking to obtain their general HEALTH back. I mean, that should be, like, our birthright. But the other part- the part who’s learning how to find hope and meaning in all of this- tells me that it DOES apply to me.

It’s really easy to sit back and try and find distractions that will make you feel, even if just for a moment, like you’re in the famous Family Guy skit: “Ooh, piece of candy!” And the more “candy” you find, the more you want to make that fleeting feeling of happiness last. But that’s just the point. IT WON’T. (Just watch what happens in the link above!) Why won’t it work? Because it’s a band-aid over a Sarlacc-sized hole.

And okay, I can hear you cynics out there. Alright, hot shot, what do I do to find my “inner peace”, huh? (Is it weird I just pictured Harrison Ford saying that from the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon?)

Well, here’s how I see it. Our “coming-of-age” story can happen at any time in our lives. Who says it’s just for doe eyed teens learning to make their way in the world? That’s like saying life isn’t hard after 25. WRONG! So if my “piece of candy” is my health, then what I really want, as I do everything possible to get it back, is…

To relax. To have peace. To BELIEVE that everything’s going to work out okay. And, what I’m learning is most important: to KNOW that I can contribute grace and beauty to the world even without the use of my legs. These are the things I can take with me no matter what happens.

So while this does NOT mean I’m going to stop fighting for my “normal” life back, I guess I’m realizing it won’t mean as much when I get it if I don’t learn how to reckon with my inner Foda first.

If you’re reading this, you may be going through a rough time, like me. Or maybe you went through something in the past, and read this blog because you can relate. Whatever your reason, I hope you take a minute and really think about what your deepest desire is. I thought mine was to have a healthy body- and that’s true- but the real underlying desire is to have peace, and freedom from worry. And pursing that is a choice I’m going to have to make over, and over, and over again.

But hey- Luke didn’t use the Force right on his first time either… (Especially if you believe this hilarious video spoof.)


The Foda

Pssst…. over here! I promised in my bio: The Birth of The Foda that I would never talk medical stuff with you, but many people have asked what it’s like to have Lyme Disease. Here is a WONDERFUL, informative, non-scary article written by a woman named Shannon Donegan called “Ten Things To Know When Someone In Your Life Has Lyme.” Please read and share. I know many Lymies who have agreed that this is EXACTLY what it’s like. Thanks to Shannon for letting me post it!