10 Lessons on How to Cure Cabin Fever from Yoda the Cat
#1: Stake your claim to the couch immediately. This may involve sprawling out on the centermost cushion so that no one else can possibly sit on it.
#2: Find the softest, fluffiest blanket and burrow into it, even if it means kneading at the fabric until it reaches the desired level of softness. So what if the trendy Ikat design now looks like a mohair version of Jackson Pollack’s paint splatter technique? YOU are comfy.
#3: Become fascinated by anything that moves. Ascertain that you are better than it. Then move on.
#4: Glare at all houseplants. Do not be fooled by their stoic silence. They are trying to upstage you with their prettiness. You are prettier. Do not forget this.
#5: Be that creepy neighbor who stares at passerby’s from between the blinds.
#6: Yowl if you are not fed fast enough. This transgression is unforgivable.
#7: Entertain yourself by knocking down small objects. If anyone complains, blink innocently and call it modern art.
#8: Greet any fellow cohabitants at the door and demand immediate attention. You are, after all, the epitome of cuteness, and as such, are deserving of EVERYTHING.
#9: Sleep. Stretch. Eat. Repeat.
And if all else fails…
Just poop on the floor.